My 21-Day Allergy Cleanse: Health, Happiness & Crazy Antics

Hey there, happy friends!

So I’m not exactly looking forward to the next three weeks…because I’ve been told I need to start an allergy diet cleanse. Yep, you read that right. After a recent blood panel, my results were all over the place—just what I wanted to hear! Still, I’m genuinely excited to give this cleanse a shot. If it helps flush out some of the toxins that are surely hanging around in my body, I’m all in. I rarely drink anyway, so that part should be easy—but I bet I’ll be dreaming of wine every single day since I can’t have it! haha!

For the next 21 days, my menu is basically fruit and vegetables…which sounds simple enough, but I can’t have any dressings or dipping sauces—nothing! No sauteed veggies, just plain steamed ones with nothing to make them rich and tasty. And no caffeine either. Let that sink in for a moment. I might become a danger to society over the next three weeks, and I swear it won’t be my fault. I’m savoring my last cup of coffee right now. It feels like death row around here. Death row? Haha. Really, drama queen? Yes, that just happened.

I’ve got one more day of freedom before I turn into some bizarre, non-meat, non-caffeine, no-fun eating machine! I’m eating well today, but I’m determined to enjoy my last day with caffeine, no matter what anyone says. I’m sticking to fruits and veggies today too, but I’m going all out with olive oil and balsamic drizzle on my salad, finished with truffle salt and cracked pepper. I’m drooling just thinking about it! Oh, and did I mention that besides water, the only other thing I’m allowed to drink is prescription-strength vitamin cleanse drinks? You heard me—prescription strength.

I figure this is the perfect time to get my health in order…but let’s be real, I’ll probably always be a little crazy. At least I can look good while I’m at it.

I hate to admit it, but sometimes I smoke cigarettes. I know, shame on me. Don’t judge—because sometimes I do it more often than not. I’ve been cutting back over the past week, which has been easier because my dad visited and he lectures me like I’m a teenager if he catches me. I’m still scared of getting in trouble with my dad! I figure if I’m doing this toxin cleanse, why keep smoking? It kind of defeats the purpose. What I’m trying to get at is… I’m going to quit smoking for good. I’m saying this publicly so I stay accountable, and I also have a tough doctor lady on my case! SCARY! So today I’ll be curled up in the fetal position, hooked to a caffeine IV, chain-smoking until this pack I just bought is gone. Okay, I’m kidding… or am I? You’ll never know, and I’ll never tell.

I also have this embarrassing habit of weighing myself at least five times a day… okay, probably more like ten, but who’s counting? Oh wait—my doctor is. She told me I have to hide my scale and lock it away. I wanted to punch her when she said that, but at the same time, I wanted to hug her, suck my thumb, and cry like a baby. This is scary. I know it sounds silly, but think of your own secret weird habit and imagine someone taking it away—you’d panic too! Then again, maybe you wouldn’t, and I’m just in my own little crazy universe trying to justify my attachment to the scale. Either way, I’m not thrilled about it. But I know it’s not healthy, and it’s time to let go of these bad habits and stop waiting for a tomorrow that never comes. The time is now—I need to pull myself together and just do it! I’m also an avid calorie counter, and my doctor said no more of that either. Geez, I can’t have any fun.

All jokes aside, this is a great opportunity to change my lifestyle and get healthier. I want this old body of mine to stick around for a while longer. I’ve dealt with weight issues and eating disorders for as long as I can remember, and that’s no way to live. It’s dangerous and truly miserable. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you’re too big or too small, that you should eat this or that, or work out more or less. In the end, moderation is key in most areas of life. It’s nobody else’s business to dictate how you should look, act, or be. If you’re healthy, happy, and feel good, that’s what matters most. You know the saying, “What you think of me is none of my business.” Well, it’s true. The most important opinion is your own—you’re the only person who has to spend 100% of your time with yourself, so you might as well enjoy it! I need to take my own advice here, because the truth is I have to do the same thing. I’m fully aware, and it’s a battle—a damn hard battle—every single day.

Instead of dwelling on the negatives of this cleanse—no caffeine, no calorie counting, no scale, no meat—I can focus on the positives. How lucky am I to have this amazing doctor who’s genuinely trying to help me sort out my issues? I’m beyond excited for this next chapter and all the wonderful things I’ll learn about myself over the next 21 days. I’m open to learning, and I trust the universe will guide me. I look forward to respecting myself more and being happy to see the woman staring back at me in the mirror.

Here’s to vitamin shakes, water, and even more water!

Talk soon.

K